


It Was My Fault

by castivak



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester Not Being an Asshole, Episode: s15e13 Destiny's Child, Gen, Hurt Jack Kline, Jack Kline Feels, Jack Kline Has a Soul, Jack Kline Whump, Jack Kline is a Winchester, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:20:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23309026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castivak/pseuds/castivak
Summary: jack felt that this was deserved, after all the pain he caused for others, he deserved to be hurt.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 90





	It Was My Fault

**Author's Note:**

> this is really ooc for dean, but we're just going to act like he isn't a major dick!

jack stared at his bedroom wall, absentmindedly running his thumb over the sigils engraved into the archangel blade, dressed in pajamas but unable to lay down in bed and sleep.

it was two thirty in the morning; five hours and twenty eight minutes since they returned home from the church and jack begged for forgiveness in the bunker's kitchen.

while he was given forgiveness, the massive amount of pain was still sitting in jack's stomach like lead, an agonizing weight that he wanted to go away but he knew that it would take forever before the pain even began to lessen.

he didn't deserve forgiveness, he shouldn't have even asked for it. he had killed their _mother_ , how could they even stand to look at him? be in the same room as him?

how could they let him live?

without a second thought, jack turned the the sword in his hand down and stabbed into his exposed thigh, his pajama shorts not long enough to reach his knees, holding back the cry that tried to crawl its way out of his chest before yanking the blade out, blood immediately gushing out and falling onto the floor, the faint glow of his stolen grace peaking out from under the flood of crimson liquid.

the same grace he stole and burned off his soul to obtain, that missing soul causing him to kill his own grandmother.

jack swallowed back tears, not wanting to gain any unwanted attention by making noise and he turned the blade to its side, just slicing and slicing at his own flesh, seeing more and more blood appear and stain his skin, making more and more cuts until he had no room left on his thighs.

everything hurt; his brain, his heart, his lungs. no matter what he did, everything hurt but not the same way the wounds he was making did, they hurt way worse than that and the stinging pain in his thighs and now his forearms didn't last that long, going numb as the blood spread over his skin and dripped onto the floor, but the emotional agony that his insides were in felt like it was never going to end, no matter how desperately he tried.

it wasn't going to matter what he did from now on, the forgiveness that he got from the winchesters wasn't genuine, they haven't actually forgiven him, he was just going to kill their biggest enemy and they would have to deal with him later.

jack was given a job and sam and dean couldn't stop him from doing it, the world was at stake here, but after everything was all said and done.....he wouldn't be surprised if they kicked him to the streets to fend for himself.

actually, that was probably one of the kinder things they could do.

silent tears fell down jack's cheeks and splashed onto his crimson coated skin, the equally crimson coated blade falling out of jack's hand and clattering onto the floor as he noticed how much damage he had caused, lines going in every direction on his forearms and thighs as blood leaked from them and sluggishly dripped onto the cemet ground beneath him.

he would heal himself, but that would defeat the purpose, just undo all the work he had done and deserved.

as jack stared down at the bloody mess that was skin, his eyelids began to get heavier and heavier and he struggled to stay upright, but his mind was getting foggy and everything was slowing to a crawl, letting his body do what it wanted and he crumpled to the floor as his vision went completely dark.

**•••**

  
as he wakes up, jack notices that his body feels really heavy and that he isn't laying on the floor anymore, slowly opening his eyes and squinting at the light, but seeing that he was the bunker's infirmary and he turned his head to the right, seeing a bag of blood with a big "J" on the white label hanging up on a pole and he followed the iv line, finding it connected to his hand and he lifted his arm, slowly pulling back the sleeve of the sweater and revealing scars upon scars on his skin; castiel healed him.

the heavy rock of emotions that rested in jack's stomach got heavier as the realization that someone had found him and brought him here came to him, laying his head back down onto the pillow and clenching his fist into the blanket that was laying over him, jaw quivering as the urge to cry welled up inside of him and he didn't stop it, letting the tears fall and he threw his arm over his eyes, letting his sweater sleeve soak up the tears.

they shouldn't have to deal with this; a stupid clueless child who was nothing but a burden that caused them pain.

the creaking of the infirmary's door met jack's ears but he didn't make a move to look, just pressing his lips together and holding back the pathetic cries as tears continued to fall. footsteps could be heard, but again, jack didn't move and he wanted whoever was there to go away, just let him drown in his own tears and get rid of the unwanted burden that he was.

"you gonna look at me, kid?" dean's voice softly asked, the deep and raspy sound sending a shiver up jack's spine, the boy slowly moving his arm from over his face and turning his head to the left, meeting the man's face and dean's worried expression made jack's heart clench, "........who saw?" he whispered and dean took a breath, "we all did, but......i found you."

"........were you upset?"

"jack you were bleeding out, of course i was."

"it was deserved." jack responded and he saw dean's face fall, "god, no. you don't deserve that shit, jack." he cooed and jack shook his head, "you know what i did."

"you didn't do it on purpose."

"that doesn't make it better."

"jack--"

"there's no excuse for it, dean; i killed your mother and you and sam should hate me, i shouldn't even be in your home, you shouldn't have to deal with me, with a _monster_." jack spat, angry at no one other than himself, sitting up and keeping his eyes on dean, "why do you even want to be in this room right now? how can you look at me? how can you forgive me? i don't deserve forgiveness! i deserve to hurt, dean! i should be dead!"

jack gripped onto his hair, looking down at his lap and he smacked his hands against his head, only for dean to grab at his arms and he winced at the pressure on his scars, "look at me." dean spoke and jack turned, looking him in the eyes and not seeing the anger he expected, "when i said i forgave you, i meant it. i do forgive you and i'm damn glad to have you back, i really am. was i angry? yes, i was. but, i'm not anymore. you're a part of my family and you're here to stay, you got it?"

jack took a shaky breath, "i....i don't get it." he whispered and dean's expression got sadder, looking ready to speak again but jack continued, "i'll try to, though."

at this, dean gave jack a warm smile and got up out of his chair, gently hugging jack and the nephilim hesitantly hugged back, letting out a heavy breath and while he knew that it would take a long time before he "got it", he was going to try.

**Author's Note:**

> don't mind the spelling/grammar mistakes. i'm lazy by nature and don't pay attention to things.


End file.
